fear


it's hard to believe i only found this website (the american lung association's "freedom from smoking" program) 15 days ago, my life has changed so much in that short period - the support and encouragement i've gotten from so many of you (i don't want to name names, because i wouldn't want anyone to feel left out) has been like a lifeline that's been thrown to me in one of the darkest and hardest times of my life.

lately, i've been finding comments from a number of people (both from the group i've come to think of as "the regulars" and from new people just starting their walk down this road) about my commitment to remaining smoke-free being an inspiration to them, and, in a way, it feels really good, yet, in another way, i feel like a fraud...

and no, it's not because i've been "cheating"; i've remained smoke-free since the day i told you all i quit (november 19th), and everything i've posted here has been 100% true and from the heart. but some of the comments i've read make it sound (at least to my ear) like i'm some kind of hero, or i'm blessed with some kind of super-human willpower, or even that i have some secret formula that keeps me on the straight and narrow, but nothing could be further from the truth.

the truth is i'm scared to death.

somewhere along the way from 15 days ago to here, i read something, either here, or at whyquit, or at some other site, that either suggested or stated outright that it's possible to reach a point where it becomes physically impossible to quit smoking again. where the demon has been so well-fed, so nurtured, so protected and cared for, for so long, that it finally gets too strong to overcome.

i don't know if this is true, but i remember seeing my father sneaking a cigarette just days after he had half a lung removed due to cancer: he wasn't a stupid man (far from it; he was a brilliant engineer, well-respected nationally and internationally in his field), nor was he a weak man. but he smoked for over 50 years; maybe he had reached that point where it simply wasn't possible for him to quit any more because the demon had gotten too strong.

and as i look back over the last 9 days, i can't even *imagine* anything harder than what i've gone through to quit this time (especially the first few days), and i've been taking wellbutrin (my health plan won't pay for zyban) for over three weeks! if my demon has become so strong that it's been almost impossible for me to quit even with the help of this wonder drug (and i have 2 friends who were both long-time, heavy smokers that both quit without a single urge after only taking this stuff for a week), i'm afraid that if i start smoking again, it will simply be impossible for me to ever quit again.

maybe this is an irrational fear; i don't really know. but it's this fear, rational or not, that's been responsible for my success in staying away from cigarettes for the last 9 days, and nothing else. i'm no hero. i'm no superman. i'm nothing special. there's no nobility in abject terror, but that's my secret formula; i'm terrified.

and that's the truth.

kevin - day 9

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I can relate with what has been said on this page. I'm on my 3rd day and I'm feeling depressed and fearful. I quit once for about 4 years and started smoking a little here and there ....In no time, I was up to a pack or two packs a day. I have a lung problem also. Not from smoking, but the cigarettes have weakened it a lot. I cannot start again. I feel like they are killing me every day. And, I am also very afraid of this. .....I hope it gets better.

- Molly (Monday, April 17, 2006 at 8:45:55 PM [EST])



Today is day 22 of my quit. I've had a couple of lapses (2 drags the 3rd day I quit and a few drags last weekend). I'm terrified. I know I want to quit more than anything and I NEVER want to experience that excruciating withdrawal again. I guess I wanted to leave msg on this page because even though I sometimes feel like a crazy person and suffer deep panic attacks - I know I'm doing the best thing, the hardest thing, but the most self-loving thing I've ever done in my life. I'm 40 and have smoked for 30 years. I feel like a new woman - 3 weeks and with only a couple slips I feel confident I am going to beat this.
Roberta

- robertamarie (Tuesday, March 21, 2006 at 8:13:33 PM [EST])



I hope I'm not like your father...if the craving or whatever it is would just go away for awhile ...but it doesn.t....6 months is as long as I have been able to last before giving in.....but that was before ffs....this time has to be different....the people really help....it has to be different this time

- Charlie (Monday, November 21, 2005 at 8:35:21 PM [EST])



Fear. Gawd, yes. Fear of the pain of living through quitting and fear of dying for not quitting. I've not told anyone that I am smoke-free since the 4th of July because if I fail, as I have in the past, I will have to look them in the eye and admit that I failed yet again. Sounds like a back door, doesn't it! Perhaps so. As I get stronger, I'll be more vocal about it. Another reason for silence is that in the past, when I told people that I was trying to quit, that's all they want to talk about. I just want to try to not think about it.

- Kelly (Friday, July 08, 2005 at 6:48:24 PM [EST])



Fear. Yes, I really fear that if I don't quit now, I may actually never quit. I have always told myself that someday I will quit, but if not now, when? I am 9 days into this quit and when the addiction starts saying that maybe I should just go back to smoking, I remind myself that if I give in now, when would I try to quit again? There will never be an easier or better time than right now.

Jordan

- Jordan Ash (Friday, December 31, 2004 at 3:58:05 PM [EST])



I think all of us are afraid.I can't tell you how many people I know quit for years only to see them smoking after all that time. Many are so afraid of failure they refuse to try(me included) Who wants to listen to people say, "Oh you are so weak,we knew you couldn't do it" Those words almost always come from non-smokers who have no clue what it is like to live with this demon every day of your life. We are all afraid....afraid if we don't quit we will die before our time....afraid we will fail and look weak in others eyes.I will use my fear to keep me from returning to my comfort zone...keep from returning to the familiar which is always easier than facing the battle that lies ahead. We will fight the battle all our lives and we must accept that fact.All I am hoping for is that it will get easier as time goes on.

- Denice (Sunday, August 01, 2004 at 3:46:03 PM [EST])



My fear is having to go thru detox again. I hated the way I felt when I quit smoking and I never want to do that agian. I also choose LIFE.

- fantashia (Monday, July 19, 2004 at 4:05:38 PM [EST])



Kevin
ALL ex-smokers are afraid, as far as I know. My father quit at age 40, then lived to be 84 (even though he had diabetes and heart disease) and he was always afraid. My brother is the same way and has been quit for many, many years. They said it was so hard that they were afraid if they ever had to do it again they couldn't. THey didn't dwell on the fear, just knew it was there. THis was a good thing, I guess. It keeps them from smoking.

- margaret (Tuesday, May 04, 2004 at 10:39:58 PM [EST])



Kevin...I can not believe this. I have been so afraid if I was to relapse I would never be able to quit again. This is a fear I have lived with every day from Oct 23, 2003, my quit date to now. I felt when I was seaching for help on the net the day I almost caved it was my last ditch effert to quit. Maybe this fear will help me realize how addicted I am and never take another puff. I am glad to know again I am not alone in my insecurities.

Sandyz

- Fightn4life (Monday, April 12, 2004 at 10:13:52 PM [EST])



Kevin,
I believe you hit the nail on the head. I am afraid if I start smoking again I might have a heart attack. I might end up have to have open heart surgery, worse I might die. I don't want to die until my daughter is grown. I terrified of dying young. This is what has kept me smoke-free for 3d 4h 13m. Is that enough?

- Jan (Tuesday, January 21, 2003 at 7:27:25 PM [EST])

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